In 2014 my husband (The Tenor) got a new job that has moved us around the United States. It’s been awesome, and scary, and an adventure, and destabilizing, and (now that I’m on AMAZING antidepressants) overall a great experience, that I’m now able to be grateful for. Except our current residency’s winters…no one should live in this kind of winter hell scape, but that aside: its good.
One of the best parts of this is being able to go to therapy, and addressing a lot of, well shit in my life. In fact 2014 was the last year I worked for my nightmare. She still haunts my dreams—she is my literal nightmare.
I have danced around the idea for the last four years, refusing to acknowledge some of this. The first two years of nightmares seemed natural (and honestly: they probably weren’t). It wasn’t until 2015 and Adele’s “Hello” that I started pinpointing my trauma (I still hate using this word, but that’s what it is) and realizing there was not just depression that was wrong with me.
Why “Hello,” you may ask?
Because “Someone Like You” You see, at my job i couldn’t escape this song in the last year. There were four of us, each with our own radios/music playing. I played punk/ska/metal, but the older ladies played the contemporary soft rock stations of which there were 5, but, they each had a different station tuned in. So i heard that song EVERY TWENTY MINUTES ON THE TWENTY!
My therapist has even said in jest we are definitely going to work on this if only to get me not to hate Adele (which I wouldn’t mind—and YES, I did appreciate the joke because it was in my vein of humor).
So that small tidbit being said, I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD.
The fact that I’m sitting and writing right now, with no guilt is honestly a big step.I hope I write more. I truly miss it. I’ll write more about this (I hope), and should anyone (if anyone is reading this) has questions hit me up, I’m always happy to help, especially about therapy and mental health stuff, where and how i can.